In the first year of blogging, I wanted to try out filming. Nothing is posted, I need a better camera and a new car before I can film properly. Maybe one day in the future. I wanted to test it anyway, even if it was rather challenging for me. Here are my thoughts;
I`m not a dog owner, but I got something else – a toy car. Early mornings I will take my car for a walk, filming places for you to see.
Inside of me, the child is having fun, laughing, outside I feel a bit like a weirdo. Not because I don`t like what I do, but because there is a little voice there, whispering, this is not what “normal” grown-ups do. And what will people around me think? I challenge that voice every time, because of how am I supposed to record Heffanutt and Ant King driving if not.
It took a short time to get used to photographing from ground level, it’s me and the tourists. I`m the only one crawling around, I get some odd looks, I can see they’re thinking, what is she doing? I thought about it a couple of times, but now my only focus is my camera.
The toy car, however, is a bigger challenge. Sometimes I get a good laugh, I mean, it’s silly isn`t it, to concern about what other people think, as long as I don`t hurt anyone and having fun. I know it`s only in my mind.
Before I take my car out of the bag, it’s like I have to climb a mountain every time, – oh, what will people do, will they laugh at me, will they think I`m weird? What if? But as soon as I start walking with it, focusing on it, I forget. I don`t notice people around me that much. When I stop I`m suddenly very aware of my surroundings again, wanting to put my car away as soon as possible.
It`s always fun to go home and look at my recordings, I don`t know if it’s typical to Norwegians but people passing me while I`m walking my car, are “pretending” everything’s normal, and they are “not noticing” that woman with a toy car. While their nose is pointing straight forward and they are walking at the exact same pace, as normal, their eyes reveal them. A brief look, then the eyes widen a tiny bit – what, what was that? – then a brief look again, did I see what I thought I saw? – Then suddenly staring straight forward – I did not look! She is just doing what she wants, completely normal, best not to stare so she doesn`t notice – 😀 This is most common with grown-ups, younger are more relaxed, not to mention kids and dogs.
I am proud that I was able to do this, being an Introvert, standing in something that seems to be in the limelight, is a huge fear. I hate being in the centre of strangers focus.
I think it is good to challenge yourself, especially if you want to do something but you don`t because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of being different, fear of people staring at you. What I learned while I was walking my toy car, that I am the biggest hindrance for me to succeed. I heard in a lecture a while ago; “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”.