Mostly nauseous, beginners thoughts

Two and a half years ago when I started the blog Birds Imagination, I wrote this text. It is interesting to read now, knowing what I have learned since then;

Page after page written. Some days words come rushing in and I can`t stop it, other days I really have to struggle.  But one thing is almost constant, I`m feeling slightly nauseous.

Why? I mean the only one who put pressure on me is myself. In the end, “no one else” but I will probably read anyway – I`m not pessimistic here, I`m thinking of how little my blog is compared to the enormous amounts of blogs out there. Delivering something good or bad isn`t the end of the world either way.

I do this to learn, and being totally open with it, but still, I have this urge to be a writer and illustrator at first try – a utopia. I`m asking me to do things that are impossible because I know I lack the skills for the moment.

Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde, one realistic, totally relaxed, one with crazy expectations and equally disappointed with the work that I produce. I see the picture in my head, but my hand can`t produce it. I have a story in my head, well written, engaging, and easy to read. But, when I write the words, they seem to come out wrong, and when I read it doesn’t sound the way I like.

I`m realizing the deadline I set for myself is too short, I can`t produce my drawings fast enough – I must have thought that I was a machine working 24/7. I rather draw them as I want to than rush it and publish unfinished work.

It`s one very positive thing happening though, the number of English words that I know is slowly increasing.

I still write word by word, draw drawing by drawing, something ok, something bad, something better.

I wonder if there`s any hair left on my head after this and if I need a year`s vacation or so.

I no longer feel nauseous when posting, I guess I`m more experienced and now what to expect. I still want to be a bether writer and drawer than I am, but that is a good thing I think. 


Published by Bird

I am Bird stretching my wings

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